A Walk Through A Safeway Checkout
Guest Comment
Sooner or later most of us go through a supermarket checkout line, even the wealthy physicians and business moguls and mogulettes who populate those multimillion-dollar homes on the north side of Tucson.
Being single, I walk the walk almost every day. It’s a real educational experience.
In fact, if you just go through the checkout line every day or two you can get rid of Direct or Dish TV, Cox and Comcast.
However, it’s not so easy if you’re looking for the Arizona Daily Star, Arizona Republic or New York Times. In the three markets where I shop they are stashed out of the way on a shelf.
Never mind. While I wait for those in front of me to write checks, the reading material around the cash register gives me the actual news. News about what’s happening with the sparklies in our universe.
More and more our nation is becoming a worshiper of celebrities. Even as a journalist, I’m finding it difficult as time goes by to differentiate between news and entertainment – especially on television.
Not to pick on just one TV network, but ABC certainly stands out among the electronic pack.
“Nightline,” for example has been one of my favorite programs for years, and I was distressed to learn anchor Ted Koppel, possibly the best interviewer on TV, is retiring. Maybe it’s time.
The night Hurricane Katrina raged through New Orleans killing hundreds and leaving hundreds of thousands homeless, Koppel was talking to Winton Marsalis; ABC star Cokie Roberts, who is New Orleans royalty, and some DJ clown about the “essence” of New Orleans.
ABC correspondents were on the ground then in the hurricane area. But maybe they were looking for Emeril and Fats Dominoe to complete this cozy little jazz and food fest.
Back at the Safeway checkout, I probably average about five minutes in the line wherein I learn everything important about what’s happening in the world.
There’s Julia Roberts on a tabloid cover looking very distressed as she holds one of her twins in her arms.
A Hollywood star whose fortune likely is exceeded only by Governor Gropenfuhrer (Doonesbury’s term, not mine), just guess how many times Julia has changed diapers or wiped little butts since the kids were born. Maybe her distressed look was because the nanny had a day off.
Then, there’s the Jen avalanche. Could there possibly be one adult in America who does not know of Jen’s tragic plight?
Count me among the checkout ignoramuses, because I honestly don’t know who was so mean to Jen she seems to be teetering between taking a private jet to Paris or gaining five pounds eating Twinkies. Poor, poor Jen.
In a little biblical twist, I see one tabloid reporting a whale has just given birth to a human. The whale no doubt named the kid Jonah.
And did you know Kelly and Regis are fighting — again?
That’s not all. Regis, one tabloid reports, totally ruined his daughter’s wedding by going postal over the cost of the dress, the bridesmaids’ dresses and all those people Joy, his wife, kept inviting.
Early in the Regis and Kelly daily show, he usually holds up the front pages of the New York Daily News and New York Post. What do you wanna bet he of the reported $20 million annual income does not hold up the tabloid with the story alleging he’s a cheapskate.
Also, if you haven’t been though a checkout line lately, another tabloid will tell you President Bush is back into the booze.
Well, his problems are enough to make a Baptist preacher want to toss back a couple of shooters to start the day. And maybe a few more to end it.
Am I alone out here as the only person who doesn’t care about Julia and Jen? Apparently I am because these days it seems to be the sparklie way or no way.
In The New York Times May 30, there was an article about how close ABC’s “Good Morning America” was to overtaking the top-ranked “Today Show” on NBC.
The Times reporter asked David Westin, president of ABC News, how he reconciled the use of outtakes of the network’s popular “Desperate Housewives” program on GMA – operated by the News division.
“It’s always been the case in the morning programs that there is an entertainment element,” Westin said. “I have no doubt our audience is very happy to see those ‘Desperate’ outtakes.”
Give me a break.
—John Martin Meek
December 9th, 2005 at 12:34 am
There’s a few “wealthy” physicians doing their own shopping in Green Valley too. Want to give me a ride to Safeway some day?